Fostering independence and being responsible is easier said than done. But that doesn’t give us a right to do it all for our children. If a child isn’t given an opportunity to do, how will they learn?
It’s a messy thing, children doing things on their own. They take a long time, our patience is at its minimal and the cleaning up after is, well, frustrating. I become this control freak, eager, to meddle (that’s right meddle), get in their way of figuring it all out. This meddling is what we mothers love to call ‘love’ - a mother’s love.
Let’s all wake-up and smell the coffee here and realize it’s not love. It’s fostering a dependence, which grows as they grow up. If we think that independence is a sudden occurrence, like when they reach a certain age they will do it all by themselves, then we can’t be more wrong. It all begins with baby steps, steps that unstable, wobbly and filled with mistakes. But isn’t that the very essence of learning.
We, mothers are so eager to help that we take this basic life-skill away from our children; the joy of being responsible and independent in thoughts and actions. The wide choice in self-help section in the book stores is a testimony that adults are still trying to learn how to ‘Do It All Themselves”. These are the adults who got smothered by ‘mothers love’.
Human beings of all ages want to be able to communicate with others, to challenge themselves, to do important work, and to contribute to society. This human nature at its best.
This desire is especially strong during the time when the child who has been observing all kinds of important activity around her has finally mastered the mental and physical skills to stand up, walk, use her hands and participate in real work.
Children have always shown us their interest in li being independent by pretending to cook and clean, taking care of a doll, carrying out adult conversation etc. When given a chance, they would much rather be doing the real work of the family and community, instead of pretending.
A child would prefer to remove dust from a dusty shelf, help fold laundry, take part in preparing real meals, rather than pretend to do these things with toys. The ‘maid culture’ in our cities is the greatest hindrance to fostering independence. Also the mindset of ‘boys’ shouldn’t be doing this work. But wouldn’t you prefer that your husband helped around the house a bit more……just asking. I would definitely like my husband to participate more in household chores, set an example for the little boy or the little girl in the house. Didn’t the whole India’s Daughter documentary question this mindset of Indian men?
To support these skills we can give ample opportunities in everyday life.
- Care of the self (dressing, undressing, bathing, combing etc.)
- Care the environment (cleaning, washing, gardening etc.)
- Movement (pouring, squeezing, twisting, sorting)
- Development of social reaction (greeting, offering, accepting, apologizing, thanking)
For fostering the growth of gross motor muscles the simple activity of sifting rice and salt is an excellent activity. The sensory experience and concentration that a child exhibits are worth the mess. For the child, it is too much fun.
Mix a bowl with rice and salt. In a tray arrange this bowl with a sieve (chhallni), two empty bowls and a spoon. Demonstrate the activity by scooping a spoonful of the mixture and pouring it in the sieve. Hold this sieve over one of the empty bowls. Shake the sieve a bit as the salt sifts through. Keep the talking to minimal.
As a follow up a child can further pour the sifted salt or rice in another container.
Before doing this activity make sure the child is well fed, or he will mouth the salt and raw rice.
Mix a bowl with rice and salt. In a tray arrange this bowl with a sieve (chhallni), two empty bowls and a spoon. Demonstrate the activity by scooping a spoonful of the mixture and pouring it in the sieve. Hold this sieve over one of the empty bowls. Shake the sieve a bit as the salt sifts through. Keep the talking to minimal.
As a follow up a child can further pour the sifted salt or rice in another container.
Before doing this activity make sure the child is well fed, or he will mouth the salt and raw rice.
Please leave us a comment if would like more such activities which are simple and don’t break a bank.
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