Tears to Cheers

Parents hold their children’s hands for a while, but their hearts forever and they strive to fill this tiny heart with love, courage and compassion. The very spine of a child’s well-being depends on this bond.
The gurgling laughter of our child tugs our heartstrings into a happy tune. The tears though, they break it into a million pieces.
The tears could be from a booboo, a snatched toy, a scolding, an imaginary monster, nightmares, costumed characters, stranger anxiety or separation from the mother. While some tears are wiped with a hug and kiss and some with encouragement, there are some fears that need more understanding, compassion and strategies.
We teachers, find ourselves meeting the parents halfway through separation anxiety. Often, the miniature fingers are loosened to be held in our hands. We would like to empower those miniature fingers.

What is normal anxiety?

Some nervousness or anxiety or worry occurs in the face of a new or stressful situation. It’s a primal instinct to preserve, which is how our ancestors survived. We, the adults know this, but do the younglings know this? They depend on us for know-how on dealing with fears and anxiety. It’s a part of growing up; heck it’s a part of life.
It’s imperative therefore, that we equip the future generation with the tricks and tools to deal with fears that lurk in the dark alleys of the young minds.

Anxiety Red Flags

• Easily distressed in a new situation.
• Repetitive reassurance question, ‘what if’ concerns, inconsolable, won’t respond to logical arguments.
• Headaches, stomach aches, regularly too sick to go to school.
• Anticipatory anxiety, worrying hours or days ahead.
• Disruptions of sleep, frequent nightmares.
• Excessive time spent consoling child about distress with ordinary situations, excessive time coaxing child to do normal activities – hygiene, meals, homework.

Causes

Genetics, learning/modelling and environmental factor play a role in causing anxiety.

• Genetics: Genetics may determine the overall vulnerability to anxiety. Children may be born more sensitive with lower distress tolerance. Genes affect how different cells in the body’s alarm system or fight or flight response operates.
• Learning/Modelling: Children learn how to act and react significantly based on the ‘models’ in their world (parents, teacher, friends, siblings, etc.). Research has shown that children of anxious parents have anxious personalities. 
• Environmental: Some situations can be anxiety producing, especially those that disrupt the child’s sense of structure and order in their world (parental fights , divorce, deaths in the family, hospitalizations, moves). In addition it is common for some children to have anxiety during specific transitions like start of kindergarten. Many children make it through these periods without incident. Other children may go through a brief period of adjustment including clinging and increased sensitivity. When this reaction is prolonged or does not end, then the children need treatment.

Help is here!  
Parents can facilitate a child’s successful adjustment to a new challenge by:

1. Being accepting of the child’s concerns.
2. Listening to the child’s perceptions, and gently correcting the misinformation.
3. Patiently encouraging a child to approach a feared situation one step at a time until it becomes familiar and manageable.
4. Telling and preparing the child regards any change. Telling them we will be visiting anew place today and we will make new friends. This way the child is ready to step out of his boundaries and knows that something new is to take place.
5. When kids are stuck in the spin of worry, it is tempting to simply reassure them that they are fine, but then they wonder, if everything is fine, why do I still feel so scared? Rather than reassuring, if we teach kids how worry works, they can challenge and outsmart the worry themselves. This worry wisdom gives kids a sense of power which they can challenge and outsmart themselves. Through stories parents can help their children cope with their fears. There is a story called The Kissing Hand. Telling such stories have known to help children cope with their fears.
6. Telling and preparing the child regards any change. Telling them we will be visiting anew place today and we will make new friends. This way the child is ready to step out of his boundaries and knows that something new is to take place.

Classroom environment

Anxious children perform best in calm, supportive, but organized classroom. An ideal situation is a teacher who maintains authority positively, using reason and respect rather than fear of punishment. Speak to the teacher regards your child that will enable her to create an environment conducive to make your child feel comfortable. Usually schools are equipped with toys, music and fun activities. Speak about these to your children. Show photos of the school or visit the school with your child to get him/her familiar with the surroundings.

(Researched and written by Shivani Pujar)