Two words, one finger

The psychology of a child is completely different than that of an adult. The neural pathways are still in the formative stages.
The more positive inputs, better the child’s mental make-up. This mental make-up calls forth the development of values in the child. These values are what make an individual and hence the nation. Education is a means to uplift humanity.
Children absorb everything in their surroundings; words, music, smell, attitudes, anger, harsh words, religious mannerisms etc. Isn’t that how they learn to talk?  No one really teaches them. It’s almost laughable to say it’s automatic. It’s a spontaneous acquisition of culture.
The child is his own teacher. They learn everything that crosses their path. They keenly observe, minutely listen. They are always learning. That.….for me is formidable, being around a child. I try my best to do my best.
Greatest development is achieved during the early years, so it goes without saying that taking greatest care becomes imperative. If this is done, the child doesn’t become a burden, but a marvel of nature.

Almost every parent cringes when the child uses foul language. It’s embarrassing and we do everything in our power to undo the damage. Most of the times, all our efforts fail. The following pointers might help to deal with ‘colorful’ language and behavior.

1. Almost every undesirable behavior and language is rooted in a need for attention and power. Spend some quality time with the child. Maintain eye contact with the child and not the phone.
2. For younger children, it’s a game of giggles to say words like ‘bum’.  Teach the younglings the appropriate names for body parts and use them conversationally to remove the excitement of using those words.
3. Bollywood songs, advertisements during the World Cup, internet usage, TV are all breeding grounds for words which are offensive. The children don’t really understand them, but use it due to constant exposure. Monitor the content that your child sees and listens.
4. Be very clear about what words are okay and not okay in your family. “You may hear other kids say it, but it’s not okay in our family.”
5. Most parents over-react to these normal utterances. That’s where the child scores, in your reaction. Don’t over-react as it guarantees that they will use the word or behavior again.
   
6. As parents, sit together and decide how ‘you’ will react. You can’t make a child stop using profanity. You may try, but you really can’t. Instead, decide what you will do. Let your child know that you will turn around and walk away when you hear foul language. Walking away is not letting the child get away. It asserts “I deserve to be treated with respect”. Actions are definitely louder than words.
7. A simple idea of a black star for every bad word and a gold star for a good word is enough to nip this behavior at the bud.  You can even use smileys: sad one against a good one. Reward the child immediately for a desirable behavior. Reward with a hug, a kiss, a story, not in material things. The smileys or the stars are an important lesson in teaching consequences without harming the child’s self-esteem. Punishments like hitting on the mouth may give you quick results, but are harmful in the long run. And remember, they will use it on someone else.
8. And of course, watch your language. Speak respectfully with everyone, but more so with your child.
9. If swearing and foul language becomes more frequent and increasingly offensive, it’s time to dig deeper and determine what’s really behind the behavior. 

(Researched and written by Shivani Pujar)